Honesty to the extreme: I've been dealing with some personal feelings lately of inadequacy and lack of worth. In my private life, there are things that need constant "tweaking" in order to please Jesus (i.e. Do I love my wife the way Christ loves the church? Do I exemplify Christlike qualities like forgiveness, gentleness, patience and kindness? And on and on...) So, why in the world am I in ministry, again?
The truth is that I'm given the feeling that some people just don't believe in me. Thoughts that resonate in my mind, to name a few: You're only 25 years old... You don't know this, or you don't know that. Or, you're not ready for this. Or, that wasn't good enough. Or, I don't have the time for you right now. Or, you have a lot to learn. Or, you need to learn to discern the difference between passion and "calling." These are the things I feel most of the time. You can probably credit this to my desire to please man rather than the Lord a lot of the time - a pathetic excuse for my tendency to be a workaholic.
So, why has God allowed me to serve in ministry? Why do I get to make phone calls each week to hurting people? Visit the hospital? Plan mission trips? Have coffee with people fighting addictions? Encourage parents with rebellious teenagers? Pray with people? Celebrate victories with people?
Why? Because I'm not good enough, I guess! This scripture (1 Corinthians 1:26-31), recently spoken into my life by a close friend, explains why I AM INSUFFICIENT for this and why the opinion of critical and discouraging people and the negative thoughts I have should no longer matter in my life. And, why all that matters is my obedience to God:
"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things - and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God - that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: 'Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.'"
So, Lord, take my stupidity, lack of influence, foolishness and weakness and replace them with your wisdom, influence, perception and strength.